Cheesy Christmas Movies Should NOT Be Watched In July

This past July a few ladies in the office were excitedly talking about a weekend Christmas movie marathon. Note that July is a summer month. Heat, not cold. Sand, not snow. That bane of masculinity The Hallmark Channel, was playing Occupy Summer by airing sentimental Christmas offerings when folks should be in the sun. In December, my wife and daughters have banned me from the room while they watch these sappy Christmas chick flicks. They apparently do not like my witty commentary, rolling eyes, and sighs of “oh, please” muttered during a “Hallmark moment”. Worse, I do not receive accolades by noting that the consistent theme is the (workaholic/lonely/bitter) person who has forgotten the real meaning of Christmas and somehow finds (true love/a family/that they are really Santa) as the snow falls and bells ring. Some people do not appreciate finer critical analysis and I am at peace with that.

Occasionally one of the radio stations would add to the madness by doing a “Christmas in July” weekend. It is bad enough that we have to endure the continual mind numbing monotony of continual Christmas favorites from Thanksgiving to Christmas. How many versions of “Jingle Bells” and “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” does the world need? Don’t even start me on the “and don’t forget to hang up your sock” Andy Williams classic. With all the creative talent in the music industry could they not convene a summit and write 200 new Christmas songs so we don’t have to hear 50 versions of the same 15 songs play for a month and a half? But if my wife and girls are in the car, and it’s the holiday season (and whoop-de-doo and hickory dock) we will have continual Christmas favorites on the radio. In July, the only Bruce Springsteen I should be hearing is “Born in the USA,” not his raspy overplayed holiday rehash.

Isn’t there a board of review or a regulatory agency in place to prevent such a travesty? At least we are not putting up the tree and buying gifts again so thanks for that act of mercy. Seriously ladies, it’s summer. Leave Christmas in Winter. Don’t get me wrong, I like the Christmas holiday and spending time with family and friends during this special season. But when the Christmas decorations are packed we need to move on until December rolls around again. Go to the snow white beach and eat burgers roasting on an open grill.

I have to bring this to a close, there is a Clint Eastwood movie marathon going on. Finally, entertainment with some depth.

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